Being an immigrant

Do you want to know what it feels like to be an immigrant, not an expat? It means you get overlooked when you complain about pain, or an injustice. It means you get criticized and asked, "why do you stay?" It means you struggle to give your child a better future, and there are tensions in the home, because said child wants to be like his friends, the natives, not realizing he will never be one of them completely. In an ideal world, maybe

It means you get to work harder and paid less.

It means you are cut from information and the actuality. It means you feel bad for not learning the language fast enough. You live in more fear, you bow a little more. It means you start seeing yourself as less of a woman, or less of a man.

You start realizing you need to depend on your community. Your children suffer from the feeling of being born in a country that is not accepting them.

They strive for an identity.

You feel like the help cleaning a restaurant you will never afford to eat in.

The girlfriend this fabulous man will never date, but will see after midnight for a booty call.

Being an immigrant is a constant reminder of displacement. You long for a country you loathed, or flew away from. You try to go as soon as possible, to breathe, to feel whole, respected, dignified.

If you can afford it.

Your children will never feel at home in your country and you will never feel at home in theirs.

Unless.. you have money, you are an expat, and wherever you land, it is soft and cozy and comfortable. With others of the same skin color and the same economic background .With international schools and brunches and days at the spa, tasting the local cuisines and hiring immigrants as the help.

Borders are in our mind.

People map reality.