She could not take her eyes off of him. His voice, his timid smile, his slow and confident gestures.
"Snap out of it" she thought.
He was younger, and she did not want to put herself in the position of a sugar mommy.
She knew how people would look at her. She knew how women perceived women who had power jobs, or were dating younger men.
And he looked so younger than he was.
She took a sip of her drink. Her best friend kept nodding at her suggestively, openly wondering why she was not making a move.
She leaned over.
"What are you doing? The boy is obviously dying to kiss you, and you bring me along to be a third wheel? I dont want to stop you btw you look awfully cute together"
The boy.
There it was. He was a man, in his twenties, and she was just finishing her twenties.
She saw a fat bold old guy a the end of the bar, hugging a 20 year old twinkie, half his age.
"I dont want to be that" she muttered and avoided to look at the "boy" in front of her, patiently waiting for her to look at him.
She knew that eventually she would have to face him, it was rude to talk with her friend or look around the sealing of the bar.
She felt his hand lifting hers.
He was looking at her two rings. The only pieces of jewelry she ever owned, bought by her ex husband.
"Nice rings" he said softly.
She smiled.
And then he kept her hand in his.
It was so ridiculous and so sweet at the same time, her heart skipped a beat.
After hearing most of her life about her "ass that is made of pounding" her "lips made for sucking" and her breasts "that need milking", all the cat calls, all the unsolicited men telling her they touched themselves thinking of her, for nearly a decade, this simple gesture, full of shyness and meaning, melted her heart.
She was no beauty queen, but she had a pretty face, and she was sexy without trying, so she would attract thirsty men. She never really had romance and she had tried and forced herself to be "modern" and "casual" about sex, in order to survive in a world that would eat innocence alive.
And that boy, was giving her just that. Pace, time, innocence.
She felt younger and older at the same time, It was so confusing, so frustrating.
But the chemistry and attraction was undeniable.
She thought people were looking at them due to the age difference, but people were looking at them due to the energy that was moving from one another. It was impossible not to notice that chemistry that emanated between them, and her friend kept looking at one then the other.
"Like a fascinating Tennis match" she said, years later.
The boy, locked eyes with her and she felt butterflies in her stomach, he mouth went dry and she could not break away. He had square shoulders ( from swimming she found out later), a square jaw that protruded slightly when looked from the side, and the most luscious lips she ever saw. He kept staring at her, and then, he decided to take matters in his own hands. He slid one hand around her waist, and pulled her close from the lower back. She felt his taking charge delightful and not "boyish" at all.
He pressed her against him and murmured in her ear.
"I wont do anything you dont want me to".
Then he looked at her. They were so close, she could feel his breathing. She looked at his mouth and she closed her eyes as she let him kiss her. The moment their lips touched she heard herself moan slightly and he pressed her more against his body.
Her friend got so excited, she started silently clapping her hands.
"Finally!" she shouted when they broke off, half dazed.
"Now I can go home, I failed at my mission, and I am glad"